The Important Question

Hi, have you ever heard of GOOGLE FUCKING MAPS??!!?

I Was Hoping You Were An Alien Life Form

Last time I checked, human females have two breasts. And despite loving how awesome my TWO breasts are, I can't see myself giving in and feeding the monster by telling you the size. Didn't anyone ever tell you that size doesn't matter, honey?

Girl, I Bet You Ain't What I Think You Is

Yep. I am cooler than your feeble mind can perceive, fella.

Little Shop of Horrors

No, no we shopsn't.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

All my life I have said that if I can just get my hands on a guy who uses "u" instead of "you" AND self-proclaims to have a huge dick, all my prayers would be answered. I bet he would also profess to be able to "entertain" me all night long.

NSA Photos

But, do you have bloodwork? Because I really don't want an NSA STD. And, do you have references? Because obviously I am a magnet for creepers and I'd rather not die at the hands of a serial killer I met for random sex via the most awful dating site known to man.

Persistently Ignorant

 

I received several messages from a guy I have nothing in common with which said nothing more than the generic "hey baby how you doin'?" bullshit. I ignored them so at least I wouldn't have to be a bitch to the guy who obviously wasn't bright enough to say more than a couple words. Ignoring messages doesn't work, people, because douchebags can't take a hint. You have to spell it o-u-t for them. 

 

 

 

Yeah, I'm sorry you sent me all those messages, too, buddy. I am, too.