But, they're MY panties!

So. Permanently is or isn't a long time? Because last time I checked, permanently would mean you would never give them back. Is there a new definition for permanently which I am currently unaware of? And, furthermore, would you just like to keep my panties like the scene out of Sixteen Candles? Because you do look like the kind of creep who would need to flash a girl's undies to your friends in order to keep up your rep as a playa...

I Can Jizz All By Myself

At least he accurately named himself...

Illiterate And Proud Of It

I know you're wondering exactly what the problem is with this message. Taken at face value it seems rather benign. But, let me just show you the part of my profile where I talk about music:

Yep, that entire paragraph is solely about music. So, now who's the asshole?

I Can Use A Ruler!!

Plays Well With Others

Usually, I bleep out the user names of these guys just to be nice, but this was just too rich. All I've ever wanted out of life is a man in my bed I can call Daddy who has never heard of the period--the simplest of all the punctuation.

Doc, even if I could read this bullshit you call a message, I would still have to pass on lunch. It's not you. It's me. Ok, that's a lie. It's all you.

No More Losers For Me

I only say in my profile half a dozen times that I AM IN NO WAY LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP. That being said, since I know nothing about you and you know nothing about me, then yes, I can absolutely be the right woman. For the rest of my life. I'm tired of dating men who are twice as good who actually read my profile and understand what the fuck I'm saying. I'm ready to accept all your complaments. To tell u the true, I'm ready to do this. Right now.

Idiot.

Whine And Cheese