Plays Well With Others

Usually, I bleep out the user names of these guys just to be nice, but this was just too rich. All I've ever wanted out of life is a man in my bed I can call Daddy who has never heard of the period--the simplest of all the punctuation.

Doc, even if I could read this bullshit you call a message, I would still have to pass on lunch. It's not you. It's me. Ok, that's a lie. It's all you.

No More Losers For Me

I only say in my profile half a dozen times that I AM IN NO WAY LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP. That being said, since I know nothing about you and you know nothing about me, then yes, I can absolutely be the right woman. For the rest of my life. I'm tired of dating men who are twice as good who actually read my profile and understand what the fuck I'm saying. I'm ready to accept all your complaments. To tell u the true, I'm ready to do this. Right now.

Idiot.

Whine And Cheese

Mustache Ride

No, it isn't you being a cop that scares me. It's everything else. Especially that mustache...

Insanity Plea

Because tattoos near my collarbones can be considered tit tattoos. 

P.S. Having the words Mad and Crazy as part of your username is probably not a good idea. Might make you seem a little on the unstable side...unstable like jealous stalker. Also, having a video game poster over your shoulder makes me think you still live at home with your mom because you spend more time screwing fake hookers on a game rather than actually doing anything constructive with your life. 

xxxNOxxx

For one, "bad girl undercover" is just ridiculous. It is in no way flattering. Obviously, you didn't read my profile or you would have realized that saying something this fucking stupid and cheesy would get you nowhere. When I looked at your profile, I understood, though. I realized that, in no way, are you intelligent enough to comprehend anything I said. Unfortunately for you, I don't mercy-fuck idiots. 

Sticky Lenses

 God damn I don't want herpes. Or any other STD for that matter...

And, really... I dream every single day about blowing a guy who can't discuss more than 1 sentence about himself.